Paper Trigger

You know what is triggering for me? It’s when my daughter comes home from school with her binder chock full of papers, that “legally” are supposed to be organized into different sections of different binders. And they are crumpled.

The more crumpled the paper, the more likely it is a currently due homework assignment.

The more papers are crammed in there, the more likely I am to hyperventilate and overreact and think “God-damnit. I am practically a Stay At Home Mom…Why Can’t I HANDLE this shit? At least, more better for more longer???”

I am not a very consistently organized person. It’s not one of my best skills. But I have earned a master’s degree so I must be some-what capable of it. But it really flips me out and it takes “us” 20 minutes to sort “the shit from the sheet”.

Today I actually had to give myself a timeout, because my daughter was giving me some teenage sass about the looks of her binder, and I just COULDN”T.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Well…Lying defeatedly on my bed for a few minutes just made me remember my parenting slogan, “Don’t turning your mom”. Because my mom, in my “wacky” as she calls it-memmory, might have stayed depressed in bed the rest of the night. That image-that FEELING of being abandoned really comes to me sometimes.  Sometimes I feel like I am a lonely kid myself.

Like, sometimes, I AM the parent, and I am doing something that then reminds me of how I felt as the CHILD when something similar happened to me.  #parentified.

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