Its New Years Day, and on the radio I heard about some research to do with why we make resolutions on New years. Turns out we also make them on milestones and birthdays, too. It’s a human instinct.
So although we are all making resolutions for the Year today, we can also make them when the new week starts, or the new month, for example. That excites me, especially when added to the next thing I learned today:
That people typically rate their “current self” as higher/better than their past self. This surprised me personally because I have a very specific memory of the “best me”, and a very specific weight and shape. If I could get THAT body and this Brain, I’d be in heaven. So clearly I can’t go back 7 years, but I CAN make a body that gets better week by week. I basically want to hijack self-improvement theory and make it perform miracles for me.
I’m just shocked that most people like themselves more now. I must have some issues. What’s new. Therefore… I am trying to be more joyful this year and appreciate myself as I am (Gasp this is getting so corny.) I danced with my dog tonight to entertain my kid and her friend, and then my random celebration inspired them to dance with each other and the dog to the radio. Silliness is contagious! I am so busy being grownup/singlemommin’/self-critiquing that I have little time for joy. I’m really a free spirit pretending to be an uptight- “Mom’s Mom” I swear.
I was envying some one’s perfectly highlighted hair today, and I had my usual thought: My hairs too short, too dark, too poor looking, and therefore I suck and should wear a hair burka. (Quick thought, not to worry. Really). BUT THEN I HAD A BREAKOUT THOUGHT: which was:
God fucking damnit, woman! You used to have DREADLOCKS. Unchecked armpits. Now you are as bare as a spring lamb from pit to crotch (THANK-you very much old job with lasers involved) I mean, things have changed, ad by societal standards, I’m not a bad looking betch. So I fantasized about those olden-times in the hippy-ghetto and summoned some unfathomable source of self-esteem from that time and told myself to take it easy on the hair envy. I mean, just because someone else can afford $200 highlights doesn’t mean I am less of a person.
THE COMPARISON is NOT the WORK. That’s the point. I can look at pics of myself at 114 lbs and compare myself to my weight today in the 130’s. (not adjusted for seasonal depravity). I can compare my energy to when I worked out every moo day to now. But that brings me no where.
I can recollect the “tofu days” of yore, where I had such great willpower and made great food choices, like, most always. AM I STILL that person? Yes? Well than I can be myself again. First step is to stop dwelling on how I used to be/comparing that supermodel to my washed up current inner self, but thats actually a horrible procrastination. SO is.
So, like Louise Hay says, :
“As I begin this new year, I let go of the past and become a “now” person”.
So, maybe I do like I did. Maybe I do something different. But my goal is to get into incredible shape again. I miss the endorphin high. I miss the high so much. I miss running, and feeling so light that I could just fly up in the air a little bit with each step! I may not become a new person, but i will become a “Now” person!
Writing more often is also a new years goal, and so far so good. Music as well, I brought up my keyboard from the basement today and got lost in playing to some Little Big Town. Music had been missing from my life the past year. And I am a natural musician, so making time to fuck around on the piano and guitar is such a obviously “being awesome to myself” activity.
I do have to mention that I have been listening to some broody music from my past…love-blog to follow soon I am sure…