Just went to Church, which I attend about once a month with my daughter. Like me when I was a child, mine got “Church Drunk” within 5 minutes of sitting in a pew: that uncontrollably sleepiness that occurs when one finally sits, unadulterated by technology, for any period of time, especially when “churchy” music is playing.
The main focus of the priest’s Homily was that Pope Francis just started off “The Year of Mercy” on Tuesday, December 8th, and he explained that there will be a book on the alter where we can all put anonymous examples of mercy in. I think that is a really inspiring idea, and since I have been only blogging about the shitty shit, I thought I would run home and post this blog to basically remind MYSELF to have mercy this year.
And I think I will start with myself, my daughter, my sister, and my mother. Because, we all save our shitty side for the ones we love.
I should start with myself. I KNOW that I am experiencing a devastating identity crisis, because I am 32 years old and unmarried, and as Erick Erickson would tell me, (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson%27s_stages_of_psychosocial_development) I am floundering in the stages of development. I “should be married and have a few kids”, yet I am a single mom, very financially insecure, and I totally am chalking this up to a major personal character flaw and as a personal failure. If I could take the Pope up on his plan, I could give myself a Year of Mercy. I think that would be really great. It is really painful to constantly compare myself to my age-group and feel like a failure.
When people congratulate me for getting 3 degrees (2 in the medical field), while raising a child, I always get teary and say it’s no big deal. As if, because I am not also married, 115lbs and towing several gorgeous kids around, nothing else I’ve accomplished matters. Part of the Year of Mercy, for me, might just be allowing myself to take a compliment and maybe feeling good about all the shit I’ve done, not just reminding myself of what I haven’t done.