Year of Mercy post

I really like the idea of keeping a “Year of Mercy” page. Its a great idea that Pope Francis is instilling in the Church and i can meditate on things here in mown life.

So today I decided to relinquish all control and ask my sister to decide what mass we go to on Christmas Eve. She has 3 kids, and 2 are babies. Earlier, part of me wanted to go to a late mass or a mass at my own church just to feel like my opinion mattered even though I don’t have as many kids. But then I though about the Year of Mercy and texted my sis, to say “Your call, girl”. And it felt great.

It reminds me of Deepak Chopra’s “Law of Least Effort”. His theory is that the Universe pushes back when we do, and bends and gives and is gracious when we go with the flow and don’t try to force things, ideas or plans on people. Very inline with Mercy. It takes effort to be angry. Just ask my scowl lines, lol.

Peace!IMG_6701

Year of Mercy

Just went to Church, which I attend about once a month with my daughter. ┬áLike me when I was a child, mine got “Church Drunk” within 5 minutes of sitting in a pew: that uncontrollably sleepiness that occurs when one finally sits, unadulterated by technology, for any period of time, especially when “churchy” music is playing.

The main focus of the priest’s Homily was that Pope Francis just started off “The Year of Mercy” on Tuesday, December 8th, and he explained that there will be a book on the alter where we can all put anonymous examples of mercy in. I think that is a really inspiring idea, and since I have been only blogging about the shitty shit, I thought I would run home and post this blog to basically remind MYSELF to have mercy this year.

And I think I will start with myself, my daughter, my sister, and my mother. Because, we all save our shitty side for the ones we love.

I should start with myself. I KNOW that I am experiencing a devastating identity crisis, because I am 32 years old and unmarried, and as Erick Erickson would tell me, (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson%27s_stages_of_psychosocial_development) I am floundering in the stages of development. I “should be married and have a few kids”, yet I am a single mom, very financially insecure, and I totally am chalking this up to a major personal character flaw and as a personal failure. If I could take the Pope up on his plan, I could give myself a Year of Mercy. I think that would be really great. It is really painful to constantly compare myself to my age-group and feel like a failure.

When people congratulate me for getting 3 degrees (2 in the medical field), while raising a child, I always get teary and say it’s no big deal. As if, because I am not also married, 115lbs and towing several gorgeous kids around, nothing else I’ve accomplished matters. ┬áPart of the Year of Mercy, for me, might just be allowing myself to take a compliment and maybe feeling good about all the shit I’ve done, not just reminding myself of what I haven’t done.